talk about a roller coaster....
Last weekend we put a deposit on a puppy, and this evening I visited my puppy. 3 more weeks till we get our big ball of fur. I feel good. Prior to last weekend, I continued down the path of depression, I was very solemn, morose, even indifferent.
I read back my posts, as if there is a secret answer there, that will give me the key to get rid of this "cloud" forever. I can only surmise, that I am fragile. It takes so little for me to be pleased, and so little for me to cry. I'm not bi-polar or manic...I would think that someone that can go back and forth like I do, would be diagnosed as such. But my moods are subtle, my face of happiness, is only slightly different than my mask of sorrow. Those who know me, can tell the difference. I internalize everything, even these mood swings. Someone who suffers from bi-polar disorder (or manic depression) would exhibit 180 degree emotions in a short period of time, responds like a time bomb, and has great emotion (one way or the other). At least that is my knowledge/experience with bipolar individuals. Me, When I am in a social setting, (work, shopping, friends...) I am bubbly and full of spirit. Regardless of my depression, at home, I will still smile, and appear pleased, even excited and interested..but all of this is a cover.
However, this week, this week I can say with confidence that there is a true happiness in my life. I am very pleased with my excitement and hope and dream of my new puppy. I love having something to look forward too. And I believe I will be even more thrilled to have my handsome furball here in my home.
So while I am in good spirits, let me thank you for thanking the time to read this blog. This is a form of therapy for me, a way to externalize my feelings....
